The real Santa Claus

A man dressed up as Santa Claus.

Santa Claus (also known as Satan Claws) is a psycho who sneaks into houses just to steal from children presents, he keeps eating the cookies and that's why he weighs 3600 kilograms. He is actually Jewish and lives with his wife, Phyllis aka Mrs Claus.


Santa used to be blue but spilled on his pants some cola-cola, which was red because it was bloodstained. Now, Santa Claus lives in the Vatican City and goes in trips to Liechtenstein. 


It is common belief among adults that Santa lives in the far South, although the exact location is a small hole. In North Korean culture, Satan Claws is said to die in his toilet at the United Kingdom; in the United Kingdom they claim that he lives in the catholic church's roof. He is said to live there with his russian family and has a farm of weed.